Sunday, January 4, 2009

Slap Chop. Vince redux.

The return of Vince, formerly of ShamWow, has been triumphant. This is probably the somethingest infomercial I've ever seen. I've yet to figure out what that something is, so instead of yabbering about it, I'm just going to ask you to watch it.

Now that you've watched this masterpiece, I want you to keep in mind someone wrote these lines down for Vince to read:
You're going to be in a great mood all day because you're going to be slapping your troubles away.

Stop having a boring tuna, stop having a boring life.

This is making you cry, this is making me cry. Life's hard enough as it is, you don't want to cry any more.

We're going to make America skinny again, one slap at a time.

Tacos. Frettucine. Linguine. Martini. Bikini.

Stats: Only $19.95 + S&H
You can mince onion with the skin on.

Cleans with the ease of a Monarch in spring.

Cons: Vince is selling it.

Buy for the free Graty.


  1. You forgot the "You're gonna love my nuts" line.

  2. You're gonna love my nuts....IT ONLY TAKES ONE FINGER.

    Also, my question remains: Why the headset? Maybe he's on the phone with his mom between takes? Or his agent AMIRITE!

  3. Seriously, the nuts line! Also, the oh-so-subtle wink to the ShamWow? "B/c you know we can't do this all day" - we know Vince! We know!

    Also, ask about our foldable cutting board? You mean the kind they sell 3 for 50 cents at ikea? AWESOME!

    Thank you so, so much for bringing this into my life. Vince is my icon.

    Is there any way we could get footage of Vince spitting game at the bar? That is what I would like to watch. At all times.

  4. Unfortunately my computer will not allow me to watch this right now, but I just have to say that Vince touched my life a little last night. I was at my parents' house and we were all captivated by the ShamWow commercial -- literally, we all stopped and stood where we were for 2 minutes to watch it. I made a couple of observations:

    1) Vince looks like a drug addict. Meth?
    2)He has this attitude that he really doesn't care whether or not you buy it, but you're a friggin' idiot if you don't.

    My dad and I laughed over these realizations. Then both my parents and I agreed that we kind of love the commercial and definitely all want ShamWows.

    Vince brings your family together! It was truly touching.

  5. wow...that's like the magic bullet without a lid!

    and just make sure you use hardboiled eggs...not uncooked eggs...that'd be messy!

  6. Good God, Vince IS Moe Syszlak!

  7. Pampered Chef has had something like this for a couple of years. There's nothing more frustrating than the little lady banging away on her chopper while I'm trying to watch TV! ;)

  8. This blog is dead, but perhaps the ex-author will enjoy this Slap Chop Remix:

  9. the headset is because he has a weird mouth that doesn't work on one side. check his mugshot and you'll see.